I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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