My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
