My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
