Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
