The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
