its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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