Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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