your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize