dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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