She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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