Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize