hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
