Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
