Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
