peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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