My cat gives me a boner
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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