Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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