??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
