I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Buhtt sex?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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