I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
