I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
