Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
