in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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