just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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