i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
