the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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