I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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