this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
