I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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