He uses pillows to masturbate.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
