can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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