I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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