when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
