the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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