You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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