dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
