I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
