And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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