hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
