The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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