Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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