I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
