I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
