Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
