never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
