Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
