Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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