Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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