I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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