Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
