I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
