My brain says no but my pants say off.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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