Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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