this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
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Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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