so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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