i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
