Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
