thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
