why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
