I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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