Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
