isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
