If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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