I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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