Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
