just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
