I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
