Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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